Faced with infertility, I experienced God opening fruitful doors

I feel compelled to share my own personal journey with infertility and offer some hope for those women who are struggling with how to move forward in their lives should they be unable to have a child.

I was married in the Catholic Church in 1978, and my plan, like all women that age, was to start my career and then start my family. My husband and I tried for many years to have a child. We first realized he had some issues, and he subsequently had surgery, which didn’t help. At the same time, I was diagnosed with endometriosis, and, after two surgeries and numerous procedures and medical treatments, at the age of 28 I had to make the decision to have a hysterectomy.

Having a hysterectomy at that young age was a heartbreaking decision for me, but I know for my personal health it was a medical necessity. I recall after the surgery mentioning to my dad that I was so sad about my situation. His words were, “Listen, love your husband. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.”

A more pressing concern for me was finding a purpose in life with the loss of that ability to have children.

We went to Catholic Charities and went to a lecture on adoption, and at that time, we decided it wasn’t for us. Many of the women at the seminar stated they were desperate to have a child, and I felt many of the participants felt they couldn’t define themselves as women without a child.

Hearing those women speak as though having a child was their only option at happiness made me realize that I needed to find my purpose outside of being a mother. As a result, I decided to focus on my husband and career.

My husband’s job had relocated us to Texas. At the time, I was working as a cardiac sonographer, and later I decided to focus on pediatrics. God led me to a Children’s Hospital in Fort Worth, Texas, where I worked for 17 years as the director of cardiac services and was promoted to an assistant vice president over pediatric specialties. I completed both a bachelor’s and master’s degree in business. I am now a health care executive for a hospital in New Orleans.

During those years, I was blessed to be given the honor and privilege to care for the sickest of children: to pray over them during many quiet moments in a darkened room or in the cath lab or cardiac ICU and neonatal units. Also, I was able to pray with their families and even to pray with their families in death.

During those early years, I never truly appreciated this gift God gave to me in lieu of having my own children. I was able to pursue an education and career I didn’t believe was possible. I never missed having children, as I was surrounded by kids every day in my job.

God gave me a purpose. It wasn’t the one I had prayed for each night, but it was my destiny and God’s purpose for me. It filled that hole in my heart while helping me to fill the void in many parents’ hearts in their greatest time of need.    

I’m not sure if my story will help ease anyone’s grief over their situation, but I wanted to share my story with those who are struggling with infertility.

Gretchen Penton is vice president of a local physicians’ group.