The importance of father-daughter relationships

by Vivian Marino

By Vivian Marino
NOLA Catholic Parenting

Two years ago, my husband started attending Manresa, the all-male silent retreat house. Every time he returns, he mentions a priest who always says that one of the most important relationships in life is that of a father and daughter, and I wholeheartedly agree.

My husband and I have two daughters and two sons. From the moment we had our first daughter, my goal was to help foster this relationship.

It was important because I am always reminded of my dear friend, Dr. Pamela “Pam” Young Smallpage, with whom I went to high school and became very close friends in college. Pam was a girl I always admired; she was a kind, loyal, goal-driven and intelligent young lady. But most importantly, she had the most incredible relationship with her father, and I always knew in my heart that this bond shaped the person she was and had become.

So, when Pam called me last year to tell me that her father had passed away unexpectedly, I was heartbroken for her and her family. I attended his funeral, and I remember sitting in the back alone, hearing her sister Amy give the eulogy. She said something that took my breath away: her father, Charlie Young, had been raised without a father. He was absent for most of his life.

As I sobbed hearing this, I wondered how this could be. This man, a loving father and husband, had no example. Then I thought to myself, God does not call the equipped; instead, he equips the called. God had called Charlie to be a great father and husband. My question then was how it all happened. I turned to his beloved wife, Sandy, of nearly 57 years, to answer that question.

Charlie’s parents divorced when he was about 7 or 8. His dad was supposed to come pick him up every Sunday and take him out, but he rarely did. It was his time at Loyola University that genuinely shaped his life. He probably had only $100 to his name then, but a priest took him under his wing, got him a job at the library, and then he could attend the university.

He met his wife Sandy at Loyola and got engaged after only nine weeks of dating. In fact, he went to the same priest who offered him the library job to tell him about the proposal, but he was met with three catechism books in the hands of the priest. Charlie was not Catholic, but Sandy was, and he was ready to convert.

Charlie always wanted to be a good husband and father. He told Sandy that if they had four boys, he wanted to name them Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. Instead, they had three beautiful girls: Missy, Amy and Pam.

He was the dad who never missed a play, ball or soccer game. He would go above and beyond for his girls, even fighting traffic to deliver Valentine’s cards his daughter left in his car after school drop-off.

He loved his family so much that even on work trips, he would forgo the flight and instead drive using the flight money to take his family along.

Every Sunday, the Young family attended 11 a.m. Mass at St. Dominic Church and always brought up the gifts. Charlie attended Manresa for more than 44 years and served as captain. He always had a rosary on him and started the day by saying his devotion.

He was grateful to the Jesuits and Loyola University. He would say that Loyola gave
him his degree, his faith and his wife.

God called Charlie Young to be a great father and husband, and that is what he became. All God needed was a willing and good heart, which Charlie had.

The bottom line is that God meets us where we are; he can flip the script of your life.

I can only imagine God speaking to Charlie after he took his final breath on Earth saying, “Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!” (Matthew 25:21)

Vivian Gonzalez Marino is a wife and mother of four living in the New Orleans Lakefront area. She graduated from St. Mary’s Dominican High School, LSU with a bachelor’s degree in science, and then earned her master’s in exercise physiology at the University of New Orleans. Her favorite online community is “Many Hail Mary’s at a Time.”

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