You’ve become engaged, now what?

By Deacon W. Gerard Gautrau
Guest Column, Bridal Registry 

After being married for 47 years, I’ve become a little wiser and feel that there are universal actions that can be applied to different people in similar circumstances. As my wife Laura and I have led programs for those preparing for marriage, I’ve found that each presentation leads me to an awareness of actions that would have worked for us many years ago.

One such action is to start and end each day with a prayer, preferably as a couple.

Why is prayer so important? The challenge of preparing for a Catholic wedding is a daunting task.

Think about some of the types of prayers you might pray on a regular basis: intercessory, forgiveness, praise, thanksgiving and guidance.

Perhaps, the first type of prayer you could begin this odyssey with would be an intercessory prayer. And who better to be an intercessor for a couple planning a wedding than our Mother Mary, who at Cana was able to get her son to work a miracle before it was his time.

At some point during the marriage planning, you’ll encounter a problem that you believe insurmountable. If your preparations start by praying daily to Mary and establishing a relationship with her, you won’t hesitate to ask for her intercession with her son to work through what appears that only a miracle will solve.

Then, think about some of the challenging tasks that will require your decision-making while planning for that unforgettable marriage.

Let’s start at the beginning – the selection of a church. This is one that can be complicated by the desire for a long, center aisle to put the bride on the level of a queen. However, this can be a difficult decision. Why? Perhaps that church may be outside of the budget. Now this can be a delicate conversation since no one wants to tell the bride she can’t have the one thing she’s looked forward to since she was a little girl. Hopefully, the bride is open to compromise.

What kind of prayer do you think can be valuable here? Guidance. If the couple prays together with an open mind and prays for guidance from the Holy Spirit, a wedding bomb can be avoided. No one wants to have a months-long, ongoing feud that becomes so heated that the wedding could be over before it ever happens.

The next point of contention is the number of people invited to the wedding.

With the cost of receptions so expensive these days, a reasonable limit on the number of attendees should be taken into consideration. Unless the parents shouldering the bulk of expenses are mega rich, resources that parents can afford should be taken into consideration so as not to create such a burden that parents are either paying for the reception for many years or are teetering on bankruptcy because they want the best for their child. It’s imperative that the engaged couple doesn’t expect anything overbearing, and relay this to their parents.

So, what type of prayer can help the couples get past this minefield? Thanksgiving. Why thanksgiving? Because this is the time to recognize that, as a couple, they are in a position that many people worldwide would trade places with in a heartbeat. It’s a situation where people spend more on a three-hour party than those who are needy will earn in one to three years or more. Be thankful daily for the blessing you have to experience this planning process.

Not everything will be a burden during the coming months. You might plan a destination bridal party. Somehow, it all comes together as planned. The bridesmaids aren’t complaining about the destination, the airline flights are all non-stop, the hotel rooms are roomy, the bar has a great happy hour and the band at the hotel will keep you celebrating to the wee hours of the morning.

Nothing in our lives happens in a vacuum. You’ve been praying daily with your spouse to be. You recognize what a blessing the party was, and you want to combine a prayer of thanksgiving with a prayer of praise – letting the Lord know just how great he is and how much you appreciate what he’s been doing in the background to help you through the last couple of months.

Finally, you’re in perhaps the last two weeks before the wedding. In spite of all your praying, you probably ruffled a few feathers along the way. Now is the time to make amends, because you don’t want anyone to harbor any bad feelings at the wedding nor after the wedding. If possible, tie up these loose ends before the week of the wedding. Nothing should cloud such a wonderful and enjoyable time in your lives. Ask forgiveness where it is appropriate and, more importantly, ask forgiveness of our Lord in the confessional. Begin the rest of your life with a clean slate with family and friends and a clean soul. Have a magnificent wedding!

P.S. Please see the USCCB’s website for prayers and blessings for your wedding: https://www.foryourmarriage.org/prayers-and-blessings/